You deserve the same compassion and patience that you give to others

Notes on unfolding, allowing and navigating stuff that comes up in the process

Photo by Jacek Dylag on Unsplash

Publishing daily comes highly recommended, and with good reason. It allows you to develop your voice, continually say yes to your vocation/creative outlet, and establish trust with your reader.

Publishing daily (many have argued) is the optimum formula for building a viable writing practice and body of work. I heartily agree. Until I found myself - three weeks in - repeatedly in tears every morning, overwhelmed and feeling behind before the day even began. 

I recognized a similar pattern in my son. He not only wants to learn the guitar, but he also wants to become a legend… now.

Also, three weeks in, he burst into the room - a pile of fury and frustration - exasperated with the monotony and lack of fun of learning scales. “I want this to be fun! I want to play what I want, not this boring, stupid stuff!”

In talking him through his frustrations, I saw myself and my ego at work (sigh). Are we doing these things for fun and enjoyment with the hopes of one day becoming masterful, or has ego taken over - recognizing another opportunity to gain a gold star and significance from a non-specific audience who will grant us the keys to (we’re not sure what) - having arrived, being great, mattering?

I felt tremendous compassion for my son, even as he displayed qualities that are difficult to see in him (or myself).

While my dilemmas around publishing daily had me in knots, I could see the way through his predicament.

• It’s okay to be where you are.

• It’s okay not to have it all figured out.

• No one skipped over the pain and awkwardness you are going through right now.

• If you genuinely hate this part, remember that you don’t have to do any of this. You can quit.

• If you want to learn how to do it well, this is the part you need to do. The only way around is through.

• How badly do you want it?

• How can you find some joy or fun in the part that feels yucky? Or what outcome can you focus on that will make this part bearable?

If the schedule is too intense for your life as it is right now, or if your expectations are too high for your skill level, maybe adjustments need to be made. The goal is to arrive at the destination, not to follow the prescription or method you were told would get you there.

Perfectionistic and competitive tendencies continually seek ways to fill a bottomless hole. Recognize them. Give them love. Move on.

Discernment, tuning in, and asking: What do I need to do right now? Whose voice am I listening to when all I hear is “should?”

As crappy as we both felt, talking through the best next steps was healing. I drew on a familiar and well-worn mantra - this is a marathon, not a sprint - and my son understood the expectations he felt were not coming from me. He is free to pursue guitar or not. It is his choice. And I love him whichever he chooses.

I heard him practicing off and on for the rest of the day, and I felt some peace knowing that I don’t have to follow a prescription that isn’t working for me right now. I can choose to do it later - if it makes sense to pursue it - when I’ve built the muscle. For now, maybe less than daily is enough.