a great book that helped me find purpose without upending my life
and provided a very relatable, insightful narrative of the Bhagavad Gita
Over these past few months, as I dove into the deeper waters of helping my mom and stepdad through these challenges, I discovered Stephen Cope's books. Holly Whitaker recommended The Great Work of Your Life, a book about, as described in its summary, “discover(ing) the deep purpose hidden at the very core of your self.”
Several times now, I've sat down to write about this book – the themes and insights that were epiphanies, but I cannot do it justice in its entirety. What I can do is share how this book helped me lean into helping my parents without giving up my own sense of dharma or vocation.
Some of the reviews I read about this book touch on the unexpected gifts that it brings. One person said (paraphrasing) that you may not find many specific directions for uncovering your dharma, but you will come away with a brilliant retelling of the Bhagavad Gita – and accessibility to the story that is unique and profound.
I agree that I did come away with a much better understanding of this ancient text and how it relates to our modern-day struggles. But the book did help me move closer to my own dharma without upending my life – as many reviews surmised must be part of the process (moving to a cabin in the woods, or leaving life behind to become a yogi, etc.).
I gained a better understanding of what many legendary and historical figures went through to pull off groundbreaking feats or breakthroughs – such as Jane Goodall, Ludwig van Beethoven, Henry David Thoreau, Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman, Robert Frost, and Mohandas K. Gandhi. Cope is brilliant in taking us back to the beginning of their stories – when no one was watching and when they were still figuring out their own dharma in very human, relatable ways.
I came away with a renewed commitment to writing as he outlined four pillars in a way that I recommend you read for yourself (my words in parentheses):
Look to Your Dharma (something that is probably so inherent to who you are that it is probably difficult to recognize)
Do it Full Out (surrender to the flow)
Let Go of the Fruits (release the results)
Turn it over to God (get ego out of the way)
I think I have stated one of the pillars three different ways - the one that most vexes me - worrying about what others think, seeking approval and external validation, and looking to others to show me the way or tell me what to do.
Through a thoughtful and deliberate unfolding of the Gita, which is illustrated with stories about the lives of folks mentioned above, Cope helped me recognize when I have caught hold of a flow state that feels real and worth sharing. He also helped me identify the pitfalls that make me lose the connection and reduce the work to mere self-conscious struggle.
These insights gave me a great perspective and a lightness to the task at hand. But the part I did not expect is the idea that dharma is kind of a living, breathing thing. That it is less about a fixed notion that you pursue down a linear path but something that evolves as your life and circumstances evolve. I realized that writing is my dharma, but so is caring for my parents, being there for my coworkers, resuming a yoga practice, connecting with a friend, and listening with complete attention.
I am not sure if this is the "official" word on dharma, but I was left with the impression that at its core, it is about the practice of connecting with Spirit as much as you can and asking, "What is the most important thing in this moment?" From a long list of tasks, both large and small, tactical and strategic, specific and abstract, this question is powerful and continually gives me peace through a time I expected to bring me to my knees.
It opens me to tasks that scare me, make me sad, and leave me feeling helpless to change anything. Inexplicably, I feel okay with tending to these things because – for the first time – I don't feel like I am giving up core parts of myself to do them.
This is a gift that I cannot do justice in describing. It does not make things perfect, but it has taken away the heaviness of saying no to one thing so that I can say yes to another. I expect to revisit this idea at deeper and deeper levels – it certainly isn't a one-and-done thing.
But watching my stepdad, watching my mom, and experiencing powerlessness in this situation are helping me to see that I never had control anyway. It is fighting against What Is and trying to steer things to specific outcomes that has given me so much grief. Releasing my grip and learning to trust continue to open me to the moment and the beauty of what is right in front of me.
Alix - Thank you for this book recommendation. Hearing how you were able to apply it is very interesting and helpful. I'm going to get a copy.